Five Nights At Freddy's (2023)

 My knowledge of the video game Five Nights At Freddy's is relegated to a student I had who was obsessed with the game. His free writing that he did in class was all based on the game. His art work was all based on the game. Any assignment he had a free choice with was based on the game. So, I was very familiar with the images, and that it was based around a Chuck E. Cheese/Showbiz Pizza idea and being stuck in the place when the animatronics came to life. But, that was about it.

The movie is the tale of a brother (Josh Hutcherson) and sister (Piper Rubio), of some age difference, who have gone through some pretty serious tragedy in their lives. The brother needs a job, so he takes the job of overnight security at the Freddy pizza joint. From that point on every single plot point that happens you can guess. There are no surprises, and the whole movie feels like fan service. 

But, oddly enough, it is still an OK time for somebody who knows nothing. The acting is good, the script is painless, and the cinematography is good, the FX are good, and the music is pretty good. Granted, I never want to hear The Romantics "Talking In Your Sleep" ever again, but I was pretty much at that point when the song was released. 

I believe if you are a fan of the games, the movie will work for you. If you are totally unfamiliar with the game, you might be lost at certain points (especially if you go to the theater, as I hear the fans are totally losing their minds over this thing), but it is competently made so enjoyment of it isn't a stretch. 

The Living Dead - George A. Romero and Daniel Kraus (2020)

Full disclosure: I first saw Dawn of the Dead in 1981 on home video. It quickly became my favorite movie, and has remained so ever since. I have seen it countless times. 

I also rate the other two in the original run almost in line with Dawn and was lucky enough to see Day of the Dead in the theater countless times, even though I was 15. I also have a strong love for Diary of the Dead, and don't hate Land or Survival, but see them with a fair share of faults. I do believe that, eventually, other people will finally come around to what Diary has to offer. 

If I am being honest, this has been a slog to get through. As you can see from the picture here, I am still a decent ways from being done with the book (in time it tells me I still have 9 hours to go, this is about 65% done), and only in the past few hours has it started to become good. I have read many books that it took a bit to get into, but none that have taken this long. 

When the book started I instantly had some hesitation with it, as it started to dawn on me that this could possibly be a World War Z situation, of the reader shifting from one situation to another, without ever returning to any of the characters. A sort of anthology styled book, but not billed as an anthology. While World War Z is a much beloved book, I can't claim to being a fan. I like getting to love characters, and WWZ never allowed for that.

For the first half of the book, that was the case. But, then the book shifted gears a bit and we were sent back to visiting our established characters. So, once that happened, my interest in the story started to grow. But, I still wasn't falling in love with the book, and fully understand the complaints of the book being a tad dull. It also has a very jumbled feel to it all. Where the author split is, one can't totally tell, but the book does not feel cohesive. 

The book did just hit another shirt, and we have now shifted to a different situation all together than where we started. This is the biggest shift in feel yet. So, now I am really undecided on how I am feeling about the book. 

From what I can gather, there is to be something else that comes along towards the end of the book. So, we shall see. 

Don't Breathe (2016)

One of the things I have realized that separates James Wan from many of the other film makers these days in Horror is that he knows to make us care. He gives us flesh and blood characters and takes the time to give us reasons to care about these people. His recent The Conjuring 2 ran for a longer duration than most horror films (2 hours and 14 minutes), but a good amount of that time was character building. We had to care about the family to have sufficient care and fear for their well being. Unless the creative minds are only interested in giving the viewer a blood bath, we need to be invested in the characters.

This is a crucial element to these films, and one that Don't Breathe was daring enough to take a gamble on as to what makes us like our characters in peril. For some people this gamble will fall flat on its face, for others it will be a strong point of the movie and one to be respected.

The movie has a basic set-up: three friends (Rocky, Money, and Alex) in Detroit who are burglars decide to break into the house of an older person to steal the money he was recently awarded in the wrongful death of his daughter. This, however, is just the outer layer of an extremely layered movie that keeps your allegiance switching.

When we first meet our three friends we are in the middle of a burglary. In this scene we are given reasons to dislike the friends along with the simple fact that they are criminals(one of them urinates all over the house). But right after this scene it is established that they are doing these robberies as a way to escape the Hell that Detroit is portrayed as, and to escape the Hell that one of them lives in (she has a verbally, possibly physically, abusive and neglectful mother and a little sister caught in the Hell).

So now we are stuck with an internal conflict. As we get to know the characters we come to understand them and their motives. We are able to empathize with them. They have a moral code to what they do (aside from Money, played by Daniel Zovatto) and are only in the crimes to get just what they need. They refuse to take money until this job comes along, but they intend this to be the last. The fact that Alex (Dylan Minnette) and Rocky (Jane Levy) seem like decent enough people stuck in an ugly world is what the movie is hoping to make stick in your head.

Once inside the house Money spies on the old man, who is sleeping. In this scene we have a sympathy for the man. We find out just before we break into the house that he is blind, and seeing him sleeping peacefully works on our psyche quite well. We fear for the old man at this moment, even if we have seen the commercials and know that he will be turning into something entirely different.

This is also another area that the movie succeeds on. If you have seen the commercials you probably have it in your head that the blind man (as his name is in the credits) is a soulless killing machine. This is not so true. The blind man is played with staggering intensity, void of almost all dialogue until we get a short little explanation out of him, by Stephen Lang. The fact that Lang is 62 years old is amazing, considering his build in this movie is that of a brick wall. But the blind man also has a very, very, very dark side, but believes he is doing right and that he, in his own words, is "not a monster."

We spend our movie torn between fear for our friends in peril, and yet at the same time wondering if we should be so worried about them, as they are criminals themselves. But do they deserve this? Then we are torn thinking that the blind man has a right to defend his house, but then the other secrets appear and we don't want to stand too close to him, but then he states his case, and we can kind of understand his pain a bit, but not that much.

The whole dang movie is a tug of war on loyalties for the spectator. The movie shows us that everybody has a skeleton or two (and some of those skeletons might be quite vile) or that good and evil aren't always so easy to decipher.

Now, that isn't to say that this will be the case for everybody. Some people might just as easily watch this film, meet our motley crew, and decide that they all are rotten examples of people and be turned off by the fact that we have to spend time with them. The only really innocent character (aside from the little sister) is the blind man's dog, but even that is an instrument of terror in the movie.

Don't Breathe is an extremely powerful and brutal movie. The viewer is on the edge of their seat within 10 minutes of starting. How powerful of a film it is emotionally for the viewer depends 100% on your acceptance of spending time with criminals and if you are able to find sympathy or empathy for people who make a living our of ruining the lives of others.

I liked it a good amount, but that internal struggle is what keeps me from going for full marks. I am still not sure how I felt about the people, and wasn't as wrapped up in their future as I am with certain other films. At the end I didn't have the relief or anger that I might have had if I had been completely invested in the safety of somebody. As it was it ended with a shrug of my shoulders and a thought of "O.K., good luck," and that was about it.

(By the way, there are a lot of similarities between this and The Collector. Both deal with people trapped in a house, a silent killer, bad guys portrayed as good guys because they do what they do for possible good reasons. The Collector got a slightly higher mark for its ridiculous over the top side.)

*** 1/2 our of *****

The Collector (2009)

Yes, I am late to this party. At the time of the release of this I was rather sick of the torture-porn thing. I am still not a big fan of it, but I have heard enough positive stuff about this one to decide to finally give it a try.

A family moves into a house and is having some work done (or maybe they were just having work done . . . I missed if they had just moved in . . . just assuming here). The exterminators are there, as is the home security guy (name of Arkin). Arkin (played by Josh Stewart) seems to hit is off well with the little girl in the house, much to the disapproving eye of the dad.

We come to find out that Arkin is also a burglar and is planning to rob the house that night to pay off a loan shark his wife (ex-wife? girlfriend?) in debt to. The loan shark isn't crazy about the deal, but Arkin insists. He is given until midnight to produce the goods.

Once Arkin breaks into the house, well, things kind of go wrong. Very, very, very wrong.

If Rube Goldberg had been a sociopath he would adore this movie. It is one vicious mouse trap after another. But this is also a key point of criticism for the movie. How on earth did all of this stuff get put into place in the short time it seems to have shown up? This is a question that might nag at he back of your brain, but then you get hit by so much horrendous stuff that you start to forget that you had any complaints. You just kind of shrug your shoulders, let your stomach churn from your nerves going crazy and from the brutality on screen.

To say this film is "brutal" would be an understatement. Yet, at the same time, it is very nice to look at thanks to inventive camera angles and set-ups. It is the same kind of style that Saw managed. One can be horrified by what is on screen, but then one starts to admire the look of the film.

I have seen a lot written on the gore. But here is the thing, the extent of the gore is a LOT of blood, and some intestines. But with really don't see what I would consider ground breaking gore. The guts had been spilled, so don't expect gore as in the zombie sitting up and guts spilling out in Day of the Dead. We do get a scene with sutures, but it isn't worse than what we have seen before. The gore in this film is accentuated by the brutality surrounding it, the attitude surrounding it all. It is one of those cases where what we see is not as vicious as what our minds make us think we see. Don't get me wrong, this isn't Texas Chainsaw Massacre or Halloween (two films severely lacking in blood even though the common population thinks they are blood baths). There is blood (lots of it), there are swollen faces, sutures, slashes, guts, all sorts of gross things. These things, however, were simple achievements for any up and coming FX artist.

The Collector stakes its claim on inventive kills and traps. The film was originally conceived as a prequel to Saw, and that makes sense in many areas. It looks and feels like Saw, and shares the inventiveness of that movie. The main difference is that this killer seems to act without a motive. He never speaks and we have no real idea why he is doing what he is doing. The poster says "He only takes one," but I am not sure where that is established. Maybe the man in the box said it to Arkin and I missed it?

The Collector is a solid movie. Full-on intensity from the second we enter the house to steal until the very end. If you can stand your movies with a whole lot of brutality, then I highly suggest you track it down and spend a bit of time with this movie. But if the idea of a man falling onto a floor full of bear traps and having one snap on his legs, arms, face, etc. (OK, maybe there is some intense gore . . . ) isn't your idea of fun family viewing entertainment, you might want to move along. I, personally, look forward to seeing The Collection, the sequel, which I have heard is better than this one.

Film viewed on Shudder.

**** out of *****

The House at the End of Time (2013)

This is going to be a short review. I really don't want to say too much, as the less you know the greater the pay-off is with this movie.

A woman is convicted of killing her husband and doing something with her son. This comes after the death of another one of her children.

The woman is released to house arrest 30 years later, the same house where things went wrong. Once there she is visited by a strange spiritual figure and odd things begin to happen.

To say much more than that would be to possibly open up aspects of the movie that you want left closed until it is time for the movie to reveal them to you. The movie is true poetry, and an absolutely gorgeous film. It walks the grand tradition of the best European films in that it is just as much Fairy Tale as it is Horror.

The movie comes with one of the greatest endings I have ever seen on a movie. One that is almost equal parts crushing and beautifully hopeful. An ending that doesn't tell us what is happening, but simply shows us with two little gestures that link back to earlier parts of the movie. I watched the movie with my 13 year-old son, and when these two things happened he just screamed "NO WAY!" and almost began to cry. Seriously, just a beautiful ending.

I can't recommend this movie highly enough. It is on both Netflix and Shudder right now. Don't be fooled by the silly poster on those two sites. There is no Ring like generic spirit in the movie.

**** 1/2 out of *****

They're Watching (2016)

They're Watching is a unique film in that it gives us three movies in one. How successful each movie is depends on what the viewer is hoping for in any of the three things. For me, it is very successful in two aspects, and then falls flat on its face in the third.

The movie starts as a subtle parody on the home improvement variety of reality TV shows. We are treated to a couple looking to buy a "fixer-upper" and find the most horrendous of such houses in the woods of Moldova. As we walk around the house and property the boyfriend looks understandably disgusted by the property, while his girlfriend starts to suddenly be quite fond. The look on his face at the end of this segment, in reaction to her love of the property, is worth the beginning in itself.

The film then switches to a found footage style movie as we join the television crew as they are prepping for a return visit to see how the couple has fared in their rehabilitation of the house. This is where the movie remains for the bulk of its running time.

We return to the village and are greeted by a village that one usually expects to meet in a horror film based in a small town. The people are all stand-offish and look distrusting towards the outsiders. The only exception to the rule is our real estate agent who was along for the original home improvement episode, Vladimir.

The film builds a great amount of unease and creepy feeling through this whole portion of the movie. We follow the film crew around and things slowly begin to go wrong. It is a nice slow build, but once the film decides to hand out the pay-out, it goes ballistic.

This is where the movie will either become the greatest movie you have ever seen, or it will become a crushing disappointment. The movie runs the whole time with a pleasant little bit of humor. It never delivers huge belly laughs, but it is obvious the movie has a sense of humor. But it also has its horror. The filmmakers had a choice at the end to either go full Horror, or to turn things around and go comedy. They decided to do the latter, and the whole ending is full of the most absurd CGI to be seen since 1995. The ridiculous nature of what we see ruins much of the dread of the beginning.

This ending will be a treasure for those who were enjoying the jokes and humor of the first portion of the movie. The enjoyment for the viewer depends on where he/she was during the whole movie and which aspect was working for said person. I loved the beginning spoof of the reality show, and I also enjoyed the slight humor with the growing dread. The ending did not work for me at all. I got a couple of chuckles, but I was disappointed that it turned out as it did. The movie does come recommended, but I suggest you prepare for a rather unique ending that will either completely ruin the movie, or make your day.

Film viewed on Netflix.

*** out of *****

Summer 2016 movie run down

Holy cow! I haven't done diddly with this blog since 2011!?! That's crazy. Funny, because I did just watch The Reef again the other day. First time since I reviewed it down below.

So, in an attempt to get this site moving again I am going to just do a small run down of the theatrical releases I have seen this summer. Just a few short little reviews.

I will be using a five star system for all reviews. Keep that in mind for the future. Don't forget.

Captain America: Civil War ****
At the time I was convinced this was the best there was. But then I realized I was not itching to get back to the theater to see it again, unlike Winter Soldier. So, all things considered, I obviously loved the film at the time, but it didn't have the impact I felt it may have at first. W.S. is a ***** film for sure. So, great movie, however not quite the best.

X-Men: Apocalypse ***
This thing was torn to shreds by a lot of people, but I kind of liked it. No, Apocalypse does not look as good as he does in the books. That being said, I did like how Oscar Isaac played the part. He was fairly evil. The rest of the cast did a fine job. Yes, there were faults and the movie kind of hovers between parts 1 and 2, and First Class and Days. Certain parts I enjoyed more, but as a whole those other four films were more solid.

Independence Day: Resurgence **
Is anybody actually expecting good reviews for this movie? The movie was pretty bad. But, it does succeed in a "so bad it is good" way. This is one of those that 20 years from now it will have a small cult following. Incredibly stupid, super silly acting at times, FX that range from good to good but obviously CGI. The movie lacks the visual depth of the first one due to being so CGI heavy. Saving grace: the ending features a giant monster alien.

Star Trek Beyond ****
Might be my favorite Star Trek film. Oh, I know, it doesn't have the cast that I grew up with, but I think that is OK. I still prefer the original TV show to all of the movies, so I think I can say that of the movies this was the one I enjoyed the most. I do think I should watch Wrath of Khan again before making my final proclamation. But then again, I don't think anybody will ever take me to task for stating which one I prefer over the other. So sure, Beyond is the best.

Lights Out *** 1/2
I think the fine folk on Horror News Radio dubbed this one best. They referred to it as Jump Scare the Movie. The premise of the movie is a monster that appears only in the dark, which basically means that the whole movie will be using the jump scare quite a bit. It does a decent job of building a creepy factor by making the viewer not trust any dark spaces on film, but the actual scares are all jump. One has to admire the film's ability at being creative with the jumps. The film has also taken a cue from James Wan (who did produce) in that the makers realize that to make us care we have to like the characters. The characters in the movie are all likable, with the weak spot being the son, Martin. But as a whole the film is a pretty good movie that leads to a fun viewing experience.

The Conjuring 2 ****
The first film is, in my opinion, possibly the scariest film ever made. Yes, I place it above The Exorcist. I had seen very few of the commercials and sadly missed seeing it in the theater, so my first viewing was on my couch, in the dark, all around the hour of midnight. Scared the living snot out of me. That dang hand clap scene made me launch myself off the couch and scream. No hyperbole there.
This one is an incredibly creepy and unsettling film. It succeeds in making us love the characters and actually care about them. There aren't any scenes that sent me out of my seat, but I felt like I was about to for a good amount of the run time. Even the lighter scenes had a feeling of dread wandering through them.
A solid cast, some amazing FX work, a creepy feeling throughout makes this one a total winner. James Wan has proven himself to be an important figure in horror. I only hope he has realized that horror is his home and where he should always be returning to for more scares.

Jason Bourne *** 1/2
Matt Damon returns as the killing machine in human form, Jason Bourne. This time out he is in search of finding out just who exactly he is and what happened to him and his father. He is aided in his quest by people within the CIA who want to do right, or so we (and he, kind of) believe.

Yes, the plot is similar to every other one of these movies, yes some of what happens is a bit ridiculous (why the Dodge Charger he steals never deploys its airbag after he has rammed into everything under the sun in Las Vegas is beyond me). But the action is still intense enough and fun enough to keep the viewer appeased. No, it is not the best of the Bourne movies and they are running out of steam, but my wife and I both had fun with this one.
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Because this is my blog, I am including a movie I did see in the theater this summer, even though it is not a new release.

Planet of the Apes *****
The original. The classic. The perfect film. In my world this film sits alongside films like Jaws, Dawn of the Dead, Raiders of the Lost Ark, Psycho, Creature from the Black Lagoon, War of the Worlds (Pal). There is no such thing as seeing this movie "too many times." The music, the acting, the set design. The make-up. Oh, that make-up. This and the Gill Man. Oh my. Two make-ups I could look at for hours and hours. This is why I adore every movie, and the TV show, from the original run. That make-up.
This was seen during the recent TCM theatrical run. Not too much to say about it. My blu-rays probably looked a little bit better than this showing, but it still looked great. But the film is the film and it was great seeing it on the big screen.
One thing that was a bit of added fun was the interview with Dr. Zaius before and after the movie. Obviously this was not Maurice Evans as Zaius, but rather comedian Dana Gould. Gould is an Apes fanatic and considered one of the top POTA experts alive today. His interview was both comedy (acting as the real Zaius and playing it as he was hired to play the part and is a real ape, as were all of the other ape characters) and bit of real factual information. It was a fun way to present some behind the scenes information.
Apes still rule!

Draculas - Strand, Crouch, Wilson, and Kilborn.

Really quick, I just want to give a quick tip o' the hat to the book I am immersed in right now.

Draculas might be one of the most over-the-top books I have read. I am not so sure I have ever read a book that has one speed, and one intensity level only, before. In our first chapter we are introduced to Mortimer, an elderly gent who is dying of cancer. Mort's idea of a cure is to buy up a recently found skull that is thought to be the skull of Dracula. Mort's plan? Why clamp the thing to his throat and see what happens!

What happens is pretty much the entire rest of the book. Mort executes his plan within the first few pages of the book, and the rest of the book is a hospital trying to deal with what he did. What he did was create a draculas outbreak that is just non-stop carnage.

The book is a group effort by Jeff Strand, Jack Kilborn, F. Paul Wilson, and Blake Crouch. Each author handles a chapter a piece. Each chapter is broken into different characters. Remember sitting in class and writing a sentence, then passing it to a friend and having them add a sentence, then they pass it to somebody else and they add a sentence, until the story gets back and what is left is a wacky little tale? That is what has been done here, or so it seems. Does it work? Yes, the feel of fun is all over this book. It is more than obvious that the writers were having a blast, and the reader is right there along with them. Just don't expect anything enlightening, and the ride will be a ton of fun.

The book, by the way, is only available digital, so some form of digital reading device is needed.

http://www.goodreads.com/book/show/9378084-draculas

Idle for so long.

I am not too sure how many folks out there might be reading this blog, but I still feel I owe a bit of an explanation. This blog has taken a back seat while I am finishing up my current sememster at Northern Illinois University. Once I am done with the current sememster I will be finding myself with almost too much time on my hands, so this blog will be taking off with quite a bit more material.

At the same time, however, part of one of my current classes projects is to create a blog. So that one has currently been taking up my time. That one can be accessed at http://www.sonicruin.blogspot.com/. The site, for the time being, is a reflection of the art class I am involved in. That site will see a topic shift once the semester ends. Eventually that site will be host to two things. First, it will be a location for things that used to appear in my former fanzine, Sonic Ruin. I will be adding reviews and music related items as they come to me. Second, that site will also be the running blog for the "album" I will be working on starting in the next few weeks. Well, I started on it about 6 months ago, but with the coming slow down of school, I intend to dive further into it than I ever did before.

So, there you have it. Yes, exciting stuff, I know. I am a man of adventure, what can I say?

Drag Me To Hell

O.K., so my contest from last week as to which movie I should watch, ended with an enormous amount of votes! I have to tell you, I was thrilled and very touched that so many of you sent in your votes! I’m actually going to do something very few people do in the internet age, and that is actually thank every single one of you personally for sending in your votes! So, here it goes:

Alan Simpson, thank you for your winning vote of Drag Me To Hell!!!

PHEW!!! That was exhausting!

Now that all of that is out of the way, let’s discuss the movie!

As many of you might have picked up on by now, the review this week is for the Sam Raimi return to horror, Drag Me To Hell. I had been interested in this one ever since the talk of it going into production hit the horror circuit. Like any other horror fan, a return to horror by Raimi was like music to my ears. After making the classic Evil Dead films, and the insanely disturbing Simple Plan, Mr. Raimi got all wrapped up in his Spider-Man films. Now, my being a freaky Marvel zombie made this just dandy. I was more than happy to be getting great Marvel films, no matter what might have happened with part three, I still enjoyed the dang thing. But still, a return to horror for Raimi was a lovely idea!!!

So what kind of film did the horror fans get with the triumphant return of Raimi? Was it a full blown horror extravaganza on par with the intensity of the first Evil Dead film, or more of the action flick that was Army Of Darkness? Or was it the middle ground and experimental overload that was Evil Dead 2?

In a nutshell, Drag Me To Hell is more of a conventional horror film than anything else that Raimi had done prior. Granted, it doesn’t pack the all out punch that the first two Evil Dead films had, but then since Raimi was a trailblazer back then, chances of this being that were pretty slim. So instead Raimi decided to use his trademark styles, and incorporate them into a more straight-forward possession style flick.

Drag Me To Hell is the story of basically making poor choices with the wrong people. The story centers on Christine Brown (Alison Lohman), a decent person who is losing on the corporate banking ladder due to not being a rotten snake, as her competition Stu (Reggie Lee) is. She decides to go ahead and take advantage of an elderly lady who she could have helped on her mortgage.  Christine’s big mistake is that the elderly lady turns out to be a gypsy who is in cahoots with some nasty ol’ spirits and decides to curse poor Christine.

A person’s enjoyment of Drag Me To Hell might depend on their familiarity of the brilliant 1957 Jacques Tourneur film Curse/Night of the Demon, which was based on the MR James tale Casting The Runes. Certain plot points are shared by all three, and the two films are very similar in many aspects, right down to the ending taking place at the train station. This does not detract too much from the enjoyment of Drag, as Raimi was wise enough to alter key aspects that enable the film to carry its own persona. Although I do think that some of my enjoyment was sapped by the fact that I was quite often trying to guess what was going to happen due to my knowledge of Curse, and when it is mentioned to meet at the train station I smirked and got ready for an ending I knew was coming. So it should be stressed that this is more of my own problem, not the films.

I recommend Drag Me To Hell to anybody looking for a good little horror flick that surprisingly is rather tame in the gore and over-all violence. There is no doubt that this is a Raimi film, and yet he has learned his own style well enough to know that what made something a “Raimi film” was not the overabundance of the gore, but rather that unique camera style. The film has that style in spades, some nice scares and tense moments, and is a pretty fun time. It will make some wonderful Halloween viewing for those who have not seen it yet, and a nice annual film for all else.  

CREATURE - Beastie on the loose!

Did anybody know this movie was coming out? I swear, this thing came from out of nowhere. It was the surprise factor, in fact, that lead to this film being the center of a date night for my wife and me. Oh, it wasn’t intended to be such. In fact, when I heard about this movie and realized it would be in theaters for a second, it became a movie that I was just going to run out and see all by my lonesome. I know my wife is not a Horror fan, so I didn’t expect her to go. I, on the otherhand, have been missing good old fashioned monster romps in the theater, so I knew I was going to go. Imagine my surprise when my wife said “looks like fun, let’s make a date of it!”

Now, if I can be honest here, I am going to blame her going with me for being the reason why the movie was so far below being actually good. Not that she is a curse, far from it. The thing is, it seems that every single time there is a movie I am looking forward to, and she sees it with me, it sucks. This usually leads to the often said comments such as “next time I pick the movie” or “that’s it, you don’t get to pick anymore.” Usually I can’t argue with her, as she is usually right that the movies suck. This usually causes the odd situation of the movies that I see on my own being great, because she is done with my picks for a bit, and then when she decides to see one of my movies again, it sucks, setting the whole vicious circle back in action.

This brings us back to Creature, a film that came from out of nowhere and just does not feel right to be watching in a theater. We have become so accustomed to bigger budget films in theaters, that when one of such a small budget and one with so little advertising campaign does show up, it just feels weird seeing it in such a setting. I had a similar feeling while watching the abysmal Priest.

The film is fairly cookie-cutter in the execution, six friends are out on a trip and decide to go exploring. One of the friends, the one who seems to be the ringleader, is a fan of strange and crazy backwood tales of the bigfoot variety. It is his interest in a local legend that the group stumbles onto while grabbing groceries in a creepy little convenient store run by genre vet Sid Haig, that leads them off on their trek.

Intrigue and espionage lead us into a whirlwind of plotholes and “what the . . .” moments shrouded in plenty of naked people and surprisingly low amounts of gore and actual suspense. This is not to say I didn’t enjoy myself to some degree, because I did. I have been dying to see an actual beastie on the rampage movie for some time that I was willing to forgive all the many missteps that this film makes. The film was full of poor monster design, no real monster attacks, no gore, very little suspense, one too many endings, etc.

The film is easily worth a $2 second run theater if you have one by you. Or, if you need to wait it will make an enjoyable stream from your online provider or rental. As a full price first run showing, you might want to pass. As the theater was just my wife and me, I am thinking everybody else chose to wait for the stream. Like I said, though, I did enjoy myself. I’m pretty easy to please with these types of films, though. I will say that I will probably never own the movie, and will more than likely never rent it now that I have seen it. I might stream it for background noise in the future, but I will not make it an addition to my collection. Damn shame, really. This thing could have been what I, and I think a lot of horror fans have been itching for, an honest to God monster on the loose, a monster that a slew of garage kit builders are dying for. Instead, we got a bland looking beastie and an even blander movie with no real thrills. Shame.

What Should I Watch? You help me decide!!!

O.K., here is a thrilling game for the whole family to play! I have a stack of movie here to watch, and I just hate sitting here staring at them trying to decide which one to watch. So how about if we all vote, and whichever one gets the most views, I watch. Does this sound like fun!?! It sure sounds like a brilliantly fun idea, and not some pathetic way of me trying to get people to leave comments and/or start reading my sad little blog, to me!

So, without further ado, here are the movies for all of you to choose from, with a little blurb of what I know about each one to follow.

The Ruins – Based on the nest selling novel of the same name. A group of people go out traveling, find some ruins and the plants all come to life.

Splice – From what I know this is similar to Species. It seems to have a love it/hate it type of reaction to it. Supposedly there is some pretty disturbing imagery.

Dark Night Of The Scarecrow – An old 70s TV movie that is supposed to be creepy beyond belief. Sounds cool, aside from the whole “TV movie from the 70s” thing. Most of those were made of 100% cheese.

Machete – This is a tribute/satire/spoof of the old 70s/80s grindhouse action exploitation flicks. The original mock trailer was shown at the beginning of the Quentin Tarantino/Robert Rodriquez flick Grindhouse. It stars the wonderful Danny Trejo, which is reason alone to watch it.

Let Me In – US remake of the now classic Swedish film titled Let The Right One In. In all honesty I have yet to see the original. I have it here, but have heard that the subtitles on the DVD are crap and not the ones from the theatrical release, which means I had no interest in seeing it.

Drag Me To Hell – Sam Raimi’s return to horror.

I Sell The Dead – A black comedy inspired by those two lovable scamps Burke and Hare.

The Roost – I think it has something to do with killer birds. I think. Cool cover for the DVD.

Legion – Angels and demon type of things, I think. It looks cool, but I could see it actually sucking pretty bad.

The House Of The Devil – Tribute to 70s Satan flicks!!!

So let’s end it there for now.

BLACK WATER

If you are wondering what this film is like, well, look back to my review of The Reef and replace the shark with crocodiles. No, they are not exact, but if you like movies of that type (people fleeing from some big ol’ nasty beastie), then this should work for you. There are some major differences with this one, however, such as the trek starting with only four people instead of five.

Basic premise: friends vacationing in Australia decide to take in the locale offerings, so they decide to go off and check out a croc tour. One nasty ol’ croc later, and our heroes are stuck in a tree trying to figure out how to get away from the nasty beast floating below.

Possibly little surprise comes from the fact that Black Water is directed by one of the directors of The Reef, Andrew Traucki. Black Water came first, however, and in some ways it shows. The Reef has a slicker feel to it, but Black Water has a little more of a heart to it. We get to know the characters a little bit more, and we grow to care for them a little bit more. Both films make for a fun evening of nasty beast viewing and should be viewed together.

Stay tuned for a review of my favorite of these people trapped by giant beast films: Rogue. Tell me you aren’t on the edge of your seat now!!!

THE REEF

O.K., let’s cut to the chase, The Reef is a movie about people trying to survive floating in the ocean while being chased by a shark. There isn’t much more to the plot than that. The main point of the beginning of the movie is simply a case of “how do we get the people into the water,” and to be sure, the way that is accomplished is never made clear. All we ever know is that at one point all is fine, and then all of a sudden the boat is upside down in the water. Mission accomplished, it’s feeding frenzy time!

If you fine folk reading are interested, however, it is like this: five people head out on a boat. One of whom is the professional sailor, Luke, who delivers boats for a living, his sister, her boyfriend, and our pro-sailors ex-girlfriend. Along on the ride is another expert sailor. There we have our cast, now to dump them into the water.

Once our boat is upside down our crew needs to make a decision, do they wait for rescue, or do they swim for an island that is believed to be ten miles away. Our 5^th wheel boating expert chooses to stay behind, while the rest (brother/ex-boyfriend, sister, boyfriend, ex-girlfriend) decide to be the ones to make a swim for it. Once we are all in the water, the fun and gut-wrenching tension begins.

The Reef is a ridiculously tense film once we hit the water. Part of this tension is derived from the amount of time Luke spends looking under the water trying to find the shark. We know the dang thing is out there, after all the DVD case shows us the fin, so we sit there squinting at the TV screen trying to make out the image of the shark every time he looks underwater. When it finally does show, our reaction is similar to the folk floating in the water. But when that dang thing finally lets its presence be known, and we finally come to terms with the fact that this thing is NOT going to leave them alone, let me tell you, nothing will prepare you for that scene. I don’t think I have ever seen a scene in a movie that has ever blown my mind like that scene. I have gone back to watch it time and time again, and every time it gets a jaw on the floor. I’m watching Jaws as I type this, and the scene where the shark shows up while Brody is throwing chum into the ocean is pretty much the same reaction. The makers of The Reef created a perfect “HOLY SHIT” moment for their movie, and it comes at the perfect time.

There is a definite sense of hopelessness in The Reef, and in a way it hurt the film a little bit for me. I so wanted a happier ending than we got, but knowing the people were in the ocean, I also had a feeling it would go the path it did go. I will say that what happens to who was a surprise. I did not expect it to go the way it did, but the end result (number wise) is what I expected. This, however, should not stop a person from seeing this film.

The Reef is an edge of your seat thriller that pulls no punches. It lacks the character build that some films might have (Jaws if I want to be unfair), but the tension is unreal. This is one of those movie that will put an ulcer in your gut in its runtime.

MURDER PARTY

There might be slight spoilers here, so be warned. I will avoid giving anything too important away, but if you want to go in completely blind, just skip to the final bit of the review.

Martyrs was a grueling, powerful, uncomfortable watch, one that pushes the viewer to their breaking point and dares them to hang on until the message and meaning can be delivered. Murder Party, on the other hand, is a ridiculously silly movie that plays its absurdities in a serious, fairly low-key manner. Make no mistake about it, there does appear to be a message here, and it is delivered squarely at a single group of people: the art community.

Quickly put, the film is about a hapless parking cop who finds an invitation to a murder party one Halloween night. What is a “murder party”? Well, just what it sounds like, a party where the knowing guest is set-up to be murdered. This would be our man, Chris (Chris Sharp), who follows the Map Quest directions to a warehouse in the middle of a desolate section of the city. Once there he finds a group of people, all dressed in costume, and all set to take him captive, which they do with little trouble.

The story unfolds with some tongue in cheek humor, some almost slap-stick violence, and some very dry lines delivered in a wonderful macabre way. The film plays out in a quick and enjoyable way, to be sure the movie is only about 75 minutes long. It gives the viewer just enough humor to keep us going along up until the ultra-violent ending that unfolds. The cast is solid, and this does include Chris’s cat, Sir Lancelot, who when first seen is one of the best sight gags in the whole movie. Lexi’s costume is great, by the way, especially with the way she keeps fighting. It’s an “in joke” to some people that just hits you square in face.

If you want a film that has a great sense of humor, but isn’t too ridiculous, and runs down the path of the ultra-violent for about 10 minutes straight, you might want to check our Murder Party. I do find it funny that my complaint in the last reviews was knowing that everybody dies, and yet this movies tagline is “Everybody dies.” All I can say is to not believe everything you read.

MARTYRS - whoa.

Ah crap, is this a sure fire sign of my age? Once upon a time I am thinking I would have been all over this film, proclaiming it a gift from the Gods! It would have shot to my “number one with a bullet” top spot. It would have been something I would have named my kids after. It would have been something I watched every single night before bed.

Now, it is far from all of that.

Martyrs is the tale of Lucie, a girl who escapes from a warehouse of torture. As she ages she becomes close with Anna and is tortured by some strange naked ugly creature (female we eventually find out). The middle part of the film is full-on revenge film. I mean, full on, no holds barred, vicious. It happens like a storm and is over before you know it. Yet, this is not where the film ends. It takes a turn that is somewhat of a surprise, unless you think about it a bit. But from that point it turns into the Torture Porn subgenre, but it does try to impose a message of sorts, or try and give an original story.

The thing is, however, that the whole films ground on my nerves, when we finally get to the last half hour, I had finally had it with the whole thing. The film hits you so hard, that by the time we get to the vicious torture aspect of the ending, we are completely worn out. For me, I was just beyond wanting to see any more of the film.

The big problem for me, with films such as this, is that we know the outcome before it happens. A bigger problem for me with Martyrs is that the film plays with reality so much, and requires NO suspension of disbelief, that when we get to the final act, we know the outcome.

SPOILER!!!

There is no saving grace in this film, there is no beaten woman coming back to fight for her life and take down the big nasty evil guy, or underground society. Once Anna is in her dire situation, and we see how futile it all is, we know exactly what is going to happen. In all honesty, however, if you know this genre at all, you know the outcome before the movie really gets going. You can just feel it from the beginning.

There was just so much about the movie I disliked. By the time it ended, I sat there wondering why the heck I spent my evening this way. The film really irked me. I mean, really irked me.

In the films defense, it seems I am one of the few who dislikes it. Heck, I’m possibly the only one who thinks it complete trash. I think I have hit a point where I have no interest in seeing people do this type of thing to other people. I don’t know, though, maybe if it didn’t get as overly vicious as it does get I might have been a little bit better with it all. Heck, the remake of Friday The 13^th was on last night, and I was reminded that I kind of got a kick out of that one.

Eh, I guess I am just getting old. Either that or the world is becoming that much more jaded.

Return of the blogging!

So yeah, this is my second attempt at a blog. The last one died when I forgot the password and could NOT for the life of me figure out what it was, nor find a way of retrieving the old one. So, I will possibly bring over a few of the things from that blog to this one.

The topic of this joint is going to be the same as the last one, for the most part, which will be movie reviews, and reviews mainly of Horror, Science Fiction, Action, or whatever I decide to write about. Mostly it will all be movies, with the occasional comic talk. O.K., possibly more than "occasional," but it will not be the main focus. The name of this one is the name I had thought about using when I was going to start up an actual print 'zine. The print 'zine was to be a companion piece for my actual 'zine of the time, Sonic Ruin.

So, enough on that stuff . . . time to maybe talk about some films in just a few.